Month: March 2014

Determination

If you want something so bad you go for it!! You don’t quit and you don’t allow anything to get in your way of what you want!! NOTHING AND NOBODY!!!! I want this so bad and I’m NOT throwing in that fkn towel!!! I’m a fighter………I have always been!!! Even the greatest fighters in the world get knockdown but just like those great fighters they get right back up and kick ass and that is gonna be me. No more pitty party for me that is not who I am!!! Never was and not going to be who I become!! It’s all about me !!! I made up my mind this is gonna be MY championship fight!!! Forget all the other things I wrote yes, they are my past and yes, that is how I feel but I forgot my past, my scars and my feelings are what I’m made of… one strong determined person!! My anger is what fuels me to be better……to show the world yes I may be overweight, I may be handicapped but what I’m not is a quitter!!! I’m gonna win and y’all are gonna witness the greatest fight in the world!!! This is a whole new blog!!! A whole new life!!

Today is going to be 4 days in a row working out. Scale still in hiding lol!! I will only weight in once a month on that evil lil bitch lol. Monday I’m going back to the gym I have been paying for and not going to. Over the weekend I will make my playlist for my IPod.

I must share with you all my best friend posted a song on my facebook page (that she said made her think of me) a music video by Rascal Flatts call Stand. I listen to this song and it made me feel amazing! Even more amazing my friend thought of me and shared it with me. It’s so what I needed!!! xoxoxoxo Y’all need to listen to it!!!

I DID IT!!!

I did 50 squats then my legs cramped up but I DID IT!! I worked out 2 days in a row. Yesterday I did full upper body workout and I was doing the same today and I just said Fk it I’m going to try and I did it…………50 of them!!! Yeah me!!!

I’m still going on

I’m still in my funk but I’m not backing out of what I want. If I keep moving forward maybe I can work myself out of this funk. I decided Ii’m not going to weight myself for a while cause that scale just adds to my funk. I’m going to continue to try to eat right and working out. The pass 2 days I got a workout in and I intend to do a workout today. I got my music blasting getting ready to workout.

Yesterday I had my 2 glasses of water when I got up in the morning and then had a cup of coffee and a banana. I did a 1/2 hour work out with 5 lb weight I worked out my upper body and I did some thigh and leg workout. For lunch I had a salad and smoked white fish. Then for dinner we went to Red Lobster for my Nephew’s birthday. I had salmon, broccoli, small potato, salad, 1 biscuit and 2 piece of shrimp chili hot style. And 1 lobsterita ( I needed a drink ) and a seltzer. Not the perfect day

Today is my nephew’s actual birthday we are going to see American Idiot with a bunch of his friends. So after school I’m ordering pizza for him and his friends then off to see the show. Today I intend to workout for more than a 1/2 hour. My body felt good after the workout yesterday. I so wanna keep this up every day then when the snow finally goes away I wanna go back to that gym I have been paying for. My legs I intend to workout at home and workout my upper body at the gym. I love the machines there. So I’m thinking after I work out I will make a nice healthy breakfast and then when lunch time comes around i’m going to have a healthy shake. I have no clue what we are doing for dinner.

Once the nicer weather comes I hope to really get out of this funk and stay committed to trying to lose weight. So I think I’m not going to weight myself till 4/5 ….well let me get start I have a lot to do today. Thank you everyone for your continued support and comments. it means a lot xoxoxoxox

I wanna say what I wanna say

I have been emotional the past couple of days. I’m bottled up. I don’t say what I wanna say or how I’m feeling. I’m afraid to express my feelings. Or my actions or others actions. I really never open up to my family cause they just say that’s not how I’m feeling or just ignore what I say. I stopped telling my best friend how I’m feeling about certain things cause I don’t wanna push her away or sound like a debbie downer or complainer. I so fuckin’ frustrated!!! ( excuse my language please ) I could put up a front that I’m happy. I don’t wanna talk to stupid doctors….shrinks! I just want someone to listen to me and not fear they are gonna just think that’s not how I feel and walk away. I hate being in this fkn chair. I hate being this fat. I hate people drawing attention to the person in the wheelchair. I hate being stared at. I hate needing help. I hate that my fkn parents didn’t do anything for me when I was a kid. I try to let go and I can’t cause every day of my fkn life is a constant reminder. I feel like I’m an inconvenience to everyone with this damn chair. My brother in law complains when having to put in car, my sister makes remarks when i bang into doorways, …….you think i wanna be in this fkn chair. I just wanna lose this damn weight to work on strengthening my legs to walk again. I want this so freakin’ bad. I want this for me! I just want everyone to know how I feel …….what i want……………that’s all