Food Bowl winning…………….Just give me a reason

Yes food bowl winning. I mean I didn’t do that bad I ate right for breakfast. I didn’t have lunch and for dinner my sister made pasta with shrimp and bread. Pasta! I was trying to eat less carbs and that dinner was full of them. Plus I did a couple of shots of Fireball. Do I just give up and start over on Monday?? Enjoy the Super Bowl with my family & friends not worrying what I’m eating or drinking??? That’s seems to be what I’ve been doing every week. I mean I should complain I started at 240 and as of yesterday I was 230lbs. I mean I should be happy I lost 10lbs but why can’t I stick to it or have the willpower to wanna keep going? I don’t have that drive anymore. I lost it when my Mom died. When she was alive I pushed myself to prove to her I wasn’t going to amount to nothing that I don’t need anybody. I proved it big time. They all moved to PA & I lived in NY on my own ( I did have a roommate ) But I had an awesome job making awesome money. I had money to pay my rent, my bills , put food on the table, money to have a good time. I didn’t need anything from anybody I was doing it on my own. Never ask for money the whole time. The shocker my Mom was proud of me. It was a great feeling. Now she’s gone I have nothing to prove. I’ve shown I could do it!!! I’m suppose to want this for myself……….what is the problem??? It’s so hard when there is so much going on and I enjoy being around my friends and family having good times. Maybe it is because I have so much anger built up and holding my feelings in………,maybe I do need to let the demons out. Maybe I need to rebuild me from the inside out first.



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